What Isolation Has Taught Me

Whilst I never expected 2020 to be this way, I guess none of us really did. There's no denying that it has brought many challenges for us all that we would have rather gone without, but in looking at it from another perspective, I realise that it has in fact had some invaluable positives for myself and others. I've been wondering for a while whether this tough year has been the year some of us really needed - a reset for our lives and our minds. A big part of me is grateful, because without this time I don't think I would have done so much self discovery.

One of the things that this time of isolation has taught me is how much I value my family. I did, of course, know prior to this how much I love them, but being able to spend 7 weeks at home with them without having anywhere to go helped solidify the fact that family should always be a priority in my life. I felt as though I was able to make up for missed time with them, as because I moved to New Zealand at 16, I haven't spent as much time with them as the average teenager would. Being away from them has played a huge part in developing and shaping who I am, but I also feel like it has made me closer with them too. I call them everyday when I am away from them, so to have 7 weeks where I didn't have to call them and was able to talk to them whenever and even just be in their presence was a gift that I didn't realise I needed. I was sad to leave them, but not as sad as I normally am when I only come home for a week or two during the year - being with them for almost 2 months gave me the strength I needed to tackle hotel isolation with a positive mindset.

Isolation has also taught me to value the little things as much as the big things. My appreciation for everyday tasks is so much greater, and being able to return to some kind of normality seems so special. It has solidified my love for dance more than I had expected - I value each day in the studio in a completely different way than I used to. It is so easy to forget how lucky we are to do something we love, and I think I had been getting to a point before Covid-19 hit where I was just going through my day taking each moment of it for granted. I wish I could have valued each of those moments a little more, but I know now to try my best to not let any more of these precious moments go to waste. Whilst I am not sure if ballet will become my career, to be able to do it everyday for the rest of this year is such a privilege and I really don't want to miss a second of it. Being able to move freely has never felt so good after the past 2 months of online classes, and I have realised that even if I don't end up dancing professionally, I need to have dance in my life as much as I can. Nothing makes me feel as good, and I really don't want to ever lose touch with that.

There's probably some type of saying about not being able to have something making you want it more, and that's certainly been the case for me in terms of travel. When I was doing my two weeks of hotel isolation, I kept finding myself wishing that I could leave my hotel and explore Auckland, as I was right in the CBD and it would have been the perfect place to be in order to explore the city. I not only want to explore Auckland at some stage in the future, I also want to explore more of New Zealand in general, as well as many other countries. I hope that as domestic travel is being encouraged in New Zealand, I'll be able to take advantage of that this year and explore more of the country that I have called home for almost 2 and a half years. I was planning to travel overseas more in 2021 for auditions (depending on how this year panned out), but it is so hard to predict how things will be by then. That has in turn made me realise that I haven't visited as many places in Australia as I would like to, and because there won't be as many issues with that, it is a great place to start. I didn't really understand the value of travel until I went to Canada last year for a month, as I had only been in New Zealand and Australia prior to that. That month in Canada was one of the best months of my life - I met some amazing people who I am still in contact with and experienced things that really taught me some valuable lessons. Because I also traveled over there alone, I feel equipped with the skills to travel almost anywhere on my own now - I trust that I would be okay even if it became stressful as I had to deal with a few bumps along my Canadian journey. Being able to experience another country's culture is so interesting to me and I know that after restrictions lift, I will be so excited to get out and see the world.

Lastly, this period of isolation has taught me to trust. To trust that things will work out the way that they are meant to eventually, that putting in hard work won't come without reward, and that we can trust that things will get better. As someone who is religious, this has always been a big part of what keeps me going when times get tough, but I hope anyone reading can take something from that. Our journey may end up looking different to how we had hoped, but maybe it will be even better than we could have imagined for ourselves. So, in coming out of this season, I'm trusting that what is meant to be, will be. I'm looking towards the future with a changed mindset, solidified values and a new focus.

Palmerston, April 2020.