A Leap of Faith

Choosing to move away from home to dance will always be one of the biggest decisions I've made. It deviated from what most people consider to be a 'normal' teenage life - why would someone choose to drop out of school at 16 to study dance overseas? I still remember how I felt when I first arrived in Wellington; nervous, full of anticipation and eager to start at NZSD. I would be lying if I said that I felt at all confident in my abilities at the time, I was quite upset prior to moving as I was convinced I would be the worst in my class and would struggle to keep up. I look back on this now and wish that I could tell sixteen year old Tessa how great of a time she would end up having over the coming 3 years, and that her efforts wouldn't go unnoticed. Now feels like an especially fitting time to reflect on the experiences of the last three years of my life, as my time at the school has come to an early end (I am on secondment with the Royal New Zealand Ballet for the rest of the year for their production of The Sleeping Beauty).

I moved to Wellington on the 19th of January, 2018. My mum came over with me, but only stayed for a few days before she flew back to Australia. The day she left will always be a day I remember well - it was definitely difficult for both of us. Luckily these farewells over time became easier, as I am not sure I would be able to deal with such heartbreak every time anymore! My first term at NZSD was very much a period of learning and trying to find my place, and whilst I was enjoying classes and sharing experiences with my new friends, I was very homesick. The day I flew back to Australia for our April holidays was full of emotion, a release of bottled up feelings and longing for both my family and the place I had spent my whole life prior to moving. I think it was then that I realised that my family were only a flight away and that if I had got through the last term okay, I would be fine over the coming years.

One thing that always strikes me when I talk with other dancers who moved away from home at a young age is how quickly we've all had to grow up. Not many people can say they were living on their own overseas as a teenager, and to be able to thrive whilst doing so is quite impressive in my opinion! Buying your own food and cooking for yourself, cleaning your bathroom, kitchen and bedroom, washing your clothes and paying the bills all whilst being at school for the majority of the day can be a daunting task, but in learning to be able to do so it sets you up for life. Balancing everything was certainly more challenging in my first year and I wasn't always great at it, but now it is just second nature. I feel confident now to take on life outside of the school with these skills, and I think they are a massive positive of moving away to study dance that are often forgotten about.

I've been extremely lucky with the opportunities I've been given in my time at the school, and these opportunities are a real reminder as to why I chose to go down this path - I would never have had the chance to do so many things if I had chosen a conventional schooling. Some highlights of my first year included being chosen to be coached by several guest teachers in preparation for a competition in Auckland, and dancing the 'After The Rain' pas de deux in the school's graduation season. In my second year I represented the school in the Alana Haines Awards, where I won a scholarship to attend Canada's National Ballet School for 4 weeks (with my flights, accommodation, food and training all paid for). This was the first time I had traveled outside of Australia and New Zealand and one of the most enjoyable months of my life. I also danced the Adage Soloist in Balanchine's 'Concerto Barocco' and the lead pas de deux in 'Handel - A Celebration' in our graduation season that year. Third year has certainly been very different to what I had expected, but I think that sums up everyone's 2020 really doesn't it! For a while I thought my third year had been brought to a premature end when I returned home to Australia at the end of March, which was something I really struggled to come to terms with. It helped me to realise how much the school means to me, and makes being able to graduate this year even more of an accomplishment given the challenges we all faced. Getting the chance to dance with the Royal New Zealand Ballet on secondment this year feels really special, and is the result of three years of both my own efforts and the invaluable support I received from my tutors.

It's crossed my mind more than I would like to admit about whether people may think it wasn't a smart choice to go down this path in my life. I of course know how difficult the dance industry is to get into after graduating, and there are so many sacrifices involved in the pursuit of it. I actually have conversations with my dad every now and then about this topic when discussing my options for the future, and even though I am mindful of what others think, him and I don't think I will ever look back on the last three years with any sense of regret or wonder what could have been if I had done something else. I am proud to say I've given this everything I could, and what I've learnt will be things that I carry with me for the rest of my life. It certainly hasn't been easy, and there have been many hurdles that I have had to jump over in order to make it out the other side. I would like to think that these challenges really shaped me as a person and have had even more of an impact on me than some of the best moments have had.

Thinking about my journey at NZSD coming to an end fills me with emotion, with gratitude in particular coming to mind. I am grateful that the school saw my potential and believed in me, grateful for my family and friends who have supported me, and grateful that things have fallen into place the way they have. It's difficult for me to let this part of my life go, as it has meant so much to me and been the focus of my life for three years. However, the time to move on from something always comes around eventually, whether you want it to or not. It was a leap of faith coming here to begin with, and now I think it is time to take a deep breath and take another leap into a new chapter of my life.

Houghton Bay, Wellington, August 2020.